There comes a time I think in everyone’s training journey when you feel this immense sense of faithlessness. Because, lets face it training can be a thankless process at times. You work on something at tedium and results may not show up until weeks or even months later. Our culture is that of instant gratitude so it’s only natural to feel some frustration.
And it’s in this limbo that I’ve been stuck in since summer. I have high expectations for myself and my horse and when I feel they aren’t met it’s hard for me to process.
At times like this, when I feel tested that I remind myself of exactly why I love to train and work with my horse. It’s those small almost inconsequential moments where I see his synapses connect and the light bulb in his head go off like a firework that I try and instill in my mind. Those few precious seconds when everything snaps together and there’s just this breath taking moment of synchronicity, are what I keep in mind when frustration tries to edge its way in.
This past summer was hard for me.
On a personal level due to a family member passing away, causing me to lose quite a bit of focus. And in my training at times I feel as if I have failed my horse. In training your horse is your student, and I can’t help but feel that I have been an inadequate teacher for the past several months.
Many times I do wonder what I have gotten myself into. I purchased Achates as a 4 year old who had been of the track for 2 months. It’s the first time I’ve ever worked with a horse from the very beginning of his education and I honestly had no idea of the amount of dedication and the work ethic it would take.
But is that a reason to stop now?
It would be easy to stop. Say enough is enough, that my mental sanity is shattered, that I simply cannot do it. But when I think of alternative I cringe. Going back to the way I worked with horses and rode before is not an option. The only option now is to keep moving forward. To work hard, to learn more, to get better and to never give up.